


Metamorphosis

by aem77



Category: Nothing Much to Do
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-08
Updated: 2014-08-08
Packaged: 2018-02-12 08:52:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 626
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2103192
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aem77/pseuds/aem77
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ben's thoughts before filming 'PIZZA'.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Metamorphosis

_Alright, Benedick_ , he tells himself sternly. _Enough is enough._ He’s been in this bath for a while now, having this miniature tiger perform increasingly tasteless acts on this miniature shark and it’s time for him to get a grip. 

_Relationships are bad. Relationships are bad. I live in the now. Relationships are bad. Beatrice is bad. Bad, bad, Beatrice._ Distractedly he resumes his pantomime with the plastic figures. ‘Bad, naughty Beatrice,’ Ben Shark admonishes inching along the tub towards Tiger Bea. ‘Oh no, what are you going to do to me, Benedick?’ Tiger Bea replies in a sexy falsetto. ‘A better question is what aren’t I going to do to you,’ Shark Ben purrs in reply before catching himself. _Nope. No, no, no. Get it together, man!_ He bangs the back of his head lightly against the porcelain lip of the tub in an attempt to regain his sanity.

He is so screwed. He can already feel it happening. _The metamorphosis,_ he shutters to himself. Today it’s not being able to get her out of his head. Tomorrow he won’t be able to stop speaking about her. The following day he’ll be following her around everywhere. And by the end of the week he’ll have completely morphed into Claude, complete with moony eyes and lovesick sighs. _Ugh_ , he retches.

Alright. Desperate times call for desperate measures. Perhaps a game of celebrity crushes will help dislodge that fiery harpy from his cerebrum? It hadn’t worked on Claude, but he’d been pretty far gone by that time and Benedick figures that he’s still fairly newly infected. _Though maybe not so new, eh Ben?_ He allows himself a moment of honesty. Because really, Beatrice has been getting under his skin for as long as he’s known her.

 _Emma Stone. Emmaaa Stooone._ He tries to draw up a picture of Ms. Stone in his mind. Red hair should be the first thing that pops up, but instead he finds he’s picturing her as Gwen Stacy and the red locks have turned blonde. _Which is fine_ , he tells himself. Of course he’s going to prefer her in a role from The Amazing Spiderman. It’s the merger of a beautiful woman and a comic; what’s not to like? _I am a red-blooded teenage male, am I not?_ Doesn’t mean he prefers that look on her. Certainly doesn’t mean he prefers blondes. Blondes like Beatrice. _Blonde Bea. I wonder what color hair our kids would have?_ He thinks idly reaching for the toys once more, before stopping himself. _Focus Ben!_ He admonishes.

Alright blondes are out. Sorry JLaw and Scarlett Johanssen. Pronounced ‘yo’ of course. _You can sod off Claude!_ Catherine Tate? Can’t go wrong with Donna Noble. Now there’s a nice redhead who had the decency to keep her locks fiery. Like her personality: outspoken, bossy even, not to mention pretty damn clever- she did save the universe after all. _Now who does that sound like, to you eh?_ His traitorous mind chimes in. Clever, bossy, brave, gorgeous Beatrice, he sighs and he can’t even deny its lovesick nature. He is really hopeless.

Was there even any point turning to Meryl Streep? He doesn’t think he’ll ever get over her turn in ‘The Iron Lady’ anyhow so what’s the use? He’s a ruined man. Ruined by the fair and lovely Beatrice. _The fair and lovely Beatrice who invited me to pizza tonight,_ he muses happily reaching for Ben Shark and Bea Tiger once more. _The fair and lovely Beatrice who worries about my dietary allergies_ , he continues setting up his camera preparing to share his sound and joyous defeat by love with his viewers. _The same fair and lovely Beatrice who just might love me back,_ he smiles as he presses ‘record’.

 


End file.
